練

源一：《姓苑》記載，練姓的祖先曾在福建做官，“食邑閩之練鄉”，後裔以邑為氏，姓練氏。

源二：唐人東何，本姓東，後因精練軍隊征服朝鮮有功，貞觀十九年（公元645年），被太宗賜姓為“練”。練姓的郡望是：河内郡（今沁陽）。

小布一夜沒有回來。半夜醒來數次，每次聽見客廳有響動，都杯弓蛇影地，但每一次都喚她不到。早上起床蓬頭垢面就出門去找，一直走到院子外面，馬路上車來車往，一眼看到街對面的路邊灰灰的一團，一動不動。那是她。我奔過去，她像平常睡著了的樣子，但毛皮不像那麼柔軟，我不敢碰，怕觸到已是冰冷僵硬了的身體。不知所終地在她旁邊站著，車輛不停的呼嘯而過，我腦袋很空洞，站了一會兒徑自走回家去。

告訴出差在外的他。昨天電話裡還在講因為小布前天在外面玩得晚，回來也沒有擠著我腳邊睡，結果夜裡發噩夢，以為她撞車，早上看到她在客廳裡，才虛驚一場。沒想到一語成讖。講到語噎，電話那頭沉默地聽著，我猜他比我還難受。然後他說，會找人來料理。

刷了牙坐在房裡等，想到她還被棄置車輛頻雜的路邊，坐不住，找來清潔手套，打算抱她回家。可是她身體硬的像石頭，我心裡一陣發緊，手又茫然的縮了回來。林終於來了，他是小布的舊主，因為新生的女兒對貓過敏，就把小布寄放在我家，想等找到願領養的好人家。但林只肯把小布送給相識的朋友，所以這一寄宿已經過了大半年。我們一同收拾了她的遺物，包括玩具，一並捐去了動物收容所。那裡還辦理火化，可以領回骨灰。我不知道拿小布的骨灰怎麼辦，她常常在院子裡玩耍，也許埋在老松樹下的土堆裏她比較歡喜。

我們都說，小布前世大概是條狗，今生還忘不了舊脾氣。

每次外出回來，車開到樓下，她就跑出到陽台來看，隔著欄柵叫兩三聲，又鑽回屋裡去，等你的鑰匙開了門，她已經坐在門口，跑過來蹭蹭你的褲腳，然後才去忙自己的事。不過她所忙的事，無非是一天睡上二十個小時，醒過來央你陪她玩一會兒，央你給她梳毛髮，吃點東西，自己跑下樓在老松樹底下刨刨土，打幾個滾兒，然後歪到一邊晒太陽。

有時候我去院子口取信，她也喜歡跟著，不過常常走到一半就三心二意，跳上房東的花園去舔一種葉子長長的紫色的草。我們曾經帶她去散步，一直走出兩條街，她看什麼都新鮮，尤其喜歡鑽進別人家的園子東張西望。

小布貪嘴，長得幾乎和加菲貓一樣胖，愛吃水果，特別是芒果、獼猴桃、葡萄這種汁水多的，一聞到味兒，就老遠的跑過來，蹲在你旁邊痴呆似的盯著。她也願意嘗試新口味，除了慣常吃的貓糧，我們做菜只要是帶葷腥的都偶爾喂她一點，不過嚐鮮這樣的事她只喜歡伴著你吃，單給她盛一碗放著，她頂多舔兩口就厭倦了。喝水是另外奇怪的習慣，她有自己的水碗，可是偏偏喜歡跳上我洗手間的水池喝水管裡流出來的水。坐在黑暗的水池邊等水從管子裡流出來是常有的事，總把路過洗手間的我嚇上一跳。到底還是只笨貓，想不清楚水和龍頭的關係。

有的夜晚她很亢奮，在房子裡跳上跳下，瞳孔放得黑亮，令我免不了想起“雙瞳剪水”“明眸善睞”這樣的詞語。過去偶爾從外面花園裡捉到一隻蜥蜴，她一定叼回來放在你面前顯擺。可是近來好像學會謙虛和大度了，不再邀功，前些天的早上我在書房看到她放下的一隻斷了腿的田鼠，她卻是躲在另一個房間睡大覺。人說貓生一年人生七年，其實確切地說，一歲的貓大約相當於十五六歲的少年，之後則差不多貓生一年人生四年。小布活了十二三歲，也算六十多的老太太了，可一輩子健康活躍，我們都為她歡喜。

人對於死去生命的哀痛其實大多是一種自私的情緒。像小布這樣快樂地生活過玩耍過（比起那些從來不曾走出家門的成天只能睡覺的、或者野地裡成天為謀生而奔忙的貓），短暫迅速的死應該是生命的完美結局。而我觸景生情的難過僅僅是哀感自己在她離去以後的寂寞，這樣想過，心情逐漸開朗：她曾經是一隻有性格的貓，在彼岸、在來生，大概會有相應的回報。

風很大，涼氣在門縫外嗚咽。傍晚回去了艾蕪海灘。今年雨水少，草坡才綠掉一半，裸露出大片的灰褐色。凹處的泥土略略濕，踩下去還是硬的，不似往年要蹚河塘。站在懸崖上看日落，身邊的 ice plant 開滿了花，這個植物有一個好聽的名字，叫冰葉日中花。幾近天盡頭有一段縹緲的煙海，我以為會遮住的。但還是看到了綠光。那一點轉瞬即逝的、蒼白的、微薄的光線，裝滿我整個夜晚的快樂。歸途上，一路無語。

Life becomes such a routine of everyday activities and I hardly take time to write.

I’m getting less and less sentimental. Sometime purposely using vulgar words, talking dirty, or even swearing the hell out of somebody lightens me up when I’m moody, till I start to detest myself. But generally speaking a bit of fundamental difference from “what you think you are”, or from “what you normally do” is truly a relief. It is almost like acting. A taste of others. Life is a drama itself anyways — we are already acting according to… who knows what.

I have grown to understand the reason of your act, and I have grown to forgive both myself and my hatred towards certain things. That I call, a reconciliation with the past.

I started to think how I couldn’t stand Leonard Cohen anymore. I put on one of my old time favorites and immediately realized why. The rhythm, the lyrics, the instruments he chose to use, all sound so… pretentious. As if I could see a man putting on a purposely wrecked look, wooing a woman with dances… I felt almost disgusted.

Then I started to read Waits’ lyrics. That really hooked me. It is the gloominess that I see in myself. Reflected first upon his coarse voice, the super low-fi sound of the instruments, his magical beats, I then turned to the lyrics, each a poem of its own kind. Gloomy but not sad, depressed but not desperate, sighing without moaning, drinking but sober — that’s the spirit. Liking his music is almost as if liking a particular part of me, a rather bleak part of me.

Pookie got sick a few days ago. She wasn’t able to jump, nor to run. She wouldn’t even meow to us. We thought she was dying and were very sad. Then her owner came and took her to see a vet. After a couple of days on medicine, she seems now recovered.

Tom Waits: Telephone Call From Istanbul (Frank’s Wild Years)

Salvatore
Sabatore
Sabatori
Turi
Turitito
Toto
Sabuccio
…

Chi e sottomesso capodanno e sottomesso totale anno

Happy New Year!