再一次，括米蘭·昆德拉的《笑忘錄》:

…every love relationship rests on an unwritten agreement unthinkingly concluded by the lovers in the first weeks of their love. They are still in a kind of dream but at the same time, without knowing it, are drawing up, like uncompromising lawyers, the detailed clauses of their contract. O lovers! Be careful in those dangerous first days! Once you’ve brought breakfast in bed you’ll have to bring it forever, unless you want to be accused of lovelessness and betrayal.

寫得不好的戀愛草約就像做錯的結構設計，一開始就趨向全盤崩坍。儘管在實作當中可以慢慢修復，但是作出質變的可能性已經微乎其微。我曾經以爲，寫得不好的戀愛草約，還可以推翻重寫。

過去的大多事，換用後來的心態，大概都會產生完全不同的結局。但也是由於這些事的發生，才成就後來的心態。所以人生若重來一次，大體發生過的還會再發生。無非是，命中注定。無非是，cause and effect. As mysterious as life should be, we are unaware of the causes most of the events we witness. We see the effects and only later discover the cause.

過去永遠投影在未來的光線裏，回憶總在不斷的改換著顔色，因爲未來總陰晴無定。同樣，未來也總甩不掉過去的影子。任何一段歷史，都有它不可磨滅的印象，一個人、和一個人、和一些人的故事，一旦成爲回憶，便好像樹木被蛀了孔，不再有新生的質體能填補這個空洞。

寫得不好的戀愛草約，還可以推翻重寫。只是，＂推翻＂本身，是一個漫長的過程。在這個過程中，會有新的人和新的事在變成回憶，也許比更早的過去更清晰、更頑固。所以起初寫錯的戀愛草約，可以輕易被推翻，但我懷疑，大約很少有重寫的機會了。

過去常常想，我這一生，還沒有真正後悔的事。任何事都有其發生的道理，任何一個判斷或決定都是走向未來裏無限糾結的好與坏的開始，帶來等量的失落和獲得。因一個決定產生的變數，難以說得到更好或更坏的結局。可是，我還沒有後悔，或許只是我還不夠年老，未來還有許多不確定，還有許多可以繼續失誤、繼續嘗試的舉措。就好像死亡仍然很遙遠，這個概念仍然很虛構，所以我們不懼怕死。死于華年，有如山櫻繽紛謝落之凄美。等我們愈老，離死亡愈近，也許我們會變得愈膽怯，對不可逆轉的過去會愈惋惜吧。

自從改日記的習慣為寫網誌，我便不時感到困擾。日記作爲個人史記，在沒有他者的閲讀下，擁有無限的創作自由，可以天馬行空無所顧慮。但從我失掉為個人寫作的耐心，就總在疑惑自己書寫的目的。我不像很多人那樣，可以假想出一個相對固定的讀者群。我的讀者在我書寫時不斷變換著臉孔，一會兒是A，一會兒是Z，一會兒是我自己，一會兒是誤闖而來的陌生人。因而我的文字看起來七拼八湊，主題淩亂，修辭卻繁冗且空洞。像日記的變體，卻缺乏日記的自由。

我日益感到無話可説，書寫的慾望卻日益強烈。

Graphomania is not a desire to write letters, diaries, or family chronicles (to write for oneself or one’s immediate family); it is a desire to write books (to have a public of unknown readers)…

Graphomania (an obsession with writing books) takes on the proportions of a mass epidemic whenever a society develops to the point where it can provide three basic conditions:

1. a high enough degree of general well-being to enable people to devote their energies to useless activities;
2. an advanced state of social atomization and the resultant general feeling of the isolation of the individual;
3. a radical absence of significant social change in the internal development of the nation. (…Bibi was absolutely right when she claimed never to have experienced anything from the outside. It is this absence of content, this void, that powers the motor driving her to write.)

But the effect transmits a kind of flashback to the cause. If general isolation causes graphomania, mass graphomania itself reinforces and aggravates the feeling of general isolation. The invention of printing originally promoted mutual understanding. In the era of graphomania the writing of books has the opposite effect: everyone surrounds himself with his own writings as with a wall of mirrors cutting off all voices from without.

- Milan Kundera, The Book of Laughter and Forgetting, Trans. Michael Henry Heim

閲讀的願望——（產生于）——寫作的願望——（產生于）——表達的願望——（產生于）——被認同的願望——（產生于）——認同的願望——（產生于）——閲讀的願望

閲讀的願望——（產生于）——窺視的願望——（產生于）——被窺視的願望——（產生于）——無爲、寂靜、空虛的生命長軌裏以纖細之聲竭力呼喊以換得些微回響的願望